


A Path to Discordance

by fraufi666



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fear, Human Names, M/M, Male Slash, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Suspense, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 01:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1839028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fraufi666/pseuds/fraufi666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a musician, exercise is the last thing on Austria’s mind. Yet when his poor fitness is acknowledged, anxiety, self doubt and low-self esteem continue to invade his thoughts, preventing him from even enjoying the thing that he loves most: playing the piano. At the same time, a former friend decides to help the pianist. Will this evolve into something else? And more importantly, will this person prevent these obsessive thoughts from destroying the Austrian?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Path to Discordance

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this story to a dear friend from Tumblr, who also helped me in the development of this idea. ^^

"Come on, Roderich. We’re going to be late."

The Austrian panted and signalled the German to go on. “I’ll be there shortly. I just need to catch my breath.” 

Ludwig narrowed his eyes in displeasure as he realised how tired his friend was. His face was flushed as if he had run a marathon while his hair was sticking up out of place “You’re really not in good shape for your age.” The blond lectured, “We haven’t even walked very far and you’re already tired! Thank gott we left early.” 

Wiping his forehead with a handkerchief, Roderich got back on his feet. Being late didn’t bother him too much, not that tardiness would ever occur when Ludwig was concerned. To be frank, the Austrian dreaded going to conferences. On a Monday morning, he would have preferred to sleep in longer. Yet because their companies were involved in an agreement, it was important for Roderich to attend. Ludwig worked in a big business firm in Berlin which had dealt with many companies, including those which delved in the entertainment and music industry. Being one of the most well known pianists in Austria, Roderich was required to travel north for discussion. 

”I suppose it won’t hurt if we were just a few minutes late…” Roderich sighed, hoping to slow the German’s pace.

”Don’t be ridiculous!” Ludwig snapped, getting impatient “Being late is one of the worst things that you can do for an important conference like this! You can’t just travel all the way from Austria just to slack off before the meeting!” 

”You don’t have to raise your voice.” Roderich snapped back “I’m just not used to leaving so early. Could you please slow down?”

To the Austrian’s relief, the German walked a little bit slower “We’re here.” He said in a softer voice as they ascended the steps of the large, utilitarian building. Ludwig continued to lead the way until they entered the conference room. Quickly ushering the musician to a seat beside him, the other members of the firm arrived. 

The boss of the company, grey haired with spectacles finally entered the room. “Guten morgen meine Herren.” He greeted. “Now we have been meaning to discuss our link with this new account of Weiner-Musiker. Herr Beilschmidt…. I believe that you have brought in the chairman of this company.”

”Um..Herr Rheinhardt…” Ludwig said quickly, his face turning scarlet “The chairman was unable to make it today. I do however have one of the leading musicians of the recording company, Herr Roderich Edelstein. He has attended other conferences and has made quite a sufficient contribution to our agreement.”

A crease developed on Rheinhardt’s brow but he gave a quick nod. “Very well. Herr Edelstein. Please share your opinion on this.”

Obvious to the dreary business discussion, the Austrian’s violet eyes flickered away as he thought about what Ludwig had said earlier. 

You’re really not in good shape for your age…

Could he be right? After all, Roderich was a creature of the indoors, preferring to compose music instead of going on walks or playing sports like the other Germanic folk he knew. Although he was older than Ludwig, he wasn’t anywhere close to middle age. If I am like this now… Roderich thought anxiously then what would I be like once I do become older? The thought worried the Austrian as visions of a man sitting at a piano with fingers crippled with arthritis filled his mind. Could this man be Roderich in twenty years time? The thought of being unable to play the piano without pain was a frightening one and he was unable to focus on thinking about anything else. 

”Roderich, gott verdammt!” Ludwig jabbed the Austrian in the ribs, snapping him out of his thoughts. “He’s asking you a question!”

”Oh, Entschuldigung…” Roderich quickly turned his attention to the older man at the head of the table, who was waiting for his answer and gave his explanation. 

The morning seemed to stretch on for an eternity but to Roderich’s relief it was time to go home. He turned to Ludwig who was packing up his papers, hoping to get a lift to the airport. It was much too expensive to catch a taxi and he preferred to spend his money on other things. 

”Ludwig, could you-“

”Sorry Roderich, but I don’t have time to take you to the airport.” Ludwig interrupted. “I have to get home as soon as possible.” 

”I can come with you!” The Austrian decided. “My recital is not until next week so it doesn’t matter if I go home tomorrow.”

Ludwig thought for a while and then reconsidered “Just as long as you and Gilbert don’t carry on like children…”

”That brother of yours is more of a child than anything…” Roderich began but he swallowed his words as the blond glared at him. He dutifully followed the German out and began a tiring walk back to the car park. Roderich was gasping for breath, his legs begging him to take a rest but he didn’t want to draw too much attention to his health. The last thing he needed was another lecture from Ludwig about his fitness. But to his dismay, the German turned around. Yet contrary to Roderich’s expectations, his azure eyes were filled with more concern than disapproval. 

”You know, if you really want to work on your fitness, I suggest you to go on some morning walks. It will do you some good, trust me.” 

”Ja okay…” Roderich huffed tiredly. He didn’t intend to sound so annoyed. Ludwig was merely being helpful. He was more disappointed with himself. In the past, he would not have given much thought about his fitness, dismissing it as something trivial. In fact, he placed his music above all things. Sports bored him more than they should. 

As they arrived to the house, Gilbert burst out to give Ludwig a hug. “West!” He cried. The Prussian was almost about to lean closer to the younger man until the blond gave an embarrassed cough. “Um.. Bruder…Roderich is staying here for the night.”

”Oh I see. The stingy Austrian. How is your love affair going with Frau Klavier?” 

Roderich felt his cheeks grow hot in embarrassment as well as irritation “Don’t be ridiculous.” He replied shortly. Out of the things that Gilbert liked to make fun of Roderich, it was his love for his music. 

The albino smiled; clearly amused that he was annoying the Austrian. After they sat down to have dinner, he continued to pick on the man. 

”Why are you staying here for?” Gilbert asked finally. Ludwig shot a glare at the Prussian but he was enjoying Roderich’s expression too much to notice. “Are you really that stingy that you can’t catch a taxi?”

”There is nothing wrong with being frugal with money.” Roderich said defensively. He didn’t want to get into an argument, especially not in front of Ludwig, yet he felt that if he had stayed longer at the table one was about to start. “I’m going to sleep. Gute nacht.” 

But the Prussian was not done. Getting up from the table, he followed the Austrian. “You look so tired.” He remarked, more mockingly than concerned. “Was the meeting too much for you?”

”Gilbert, would you please go away?” Roderich asked wearily “I want to get up bright and early for tomorrow.”

Gilbert’s eyes widened at his words “Oh? You’re not going to sleep in like you usually do? Why is that? Clearly not for a morning jog. Look at you!” He jabbed the Austrian in the chest “You’re nothing but skin and bone! You’d probably trip if you just walked a few centimetres. So delicate, just like a woman!” Leaning closer to Roderich, he gave a sneering smile “I bet you’re just like a woman in bed too…” Roderich turned away in disgust, clearly shocked at the Prussian’s outright suggestion. 

"That’s enough!"

Gilbert quickly turned around, realising that his brother was in the room. Ludwig gave an apologetic glance at Roderich before turning back to the older nation. “He has a big day tomorrow, now will you just leave him be?” The Prussian obeyed and stepped away from Roderich. 

”Woman…” He chuckled once more before Ludwig dragged him away. “Gute nacht, Frau Edelstein!”

On the couch, the Austrian slept fitfully. Tossing and turning, he thought more about what Ludwig had said about his fitness and about Gilbert’s nasty remarks. As these thoughts infested and spread like a plague in his mind, he realised how serious his situation was. 

Nothing but skin and bone..You’d probably trip if you just walked a few centimetres!

He put a hand to his face and groaned. It was easy for Gilbert to say of course. Although the albino was quite slender compared to his muscular brother, he was still quite strong and was able to lift weights and walk for longer distances without getting tired. The thought was emasculating. Roderich liked to think that he was able to excel in other areas, such as cooking and playing music but in the long run, were they so important? What good would his music be to him if he were suddenly unable to walk to a piano? Roderich rolled over, fearful as the image of the old man with the arthritis remerged. The old man’s fingers curled up hideously, as he struggled to change keys swiftly only to create a sound of discordance. As the man desperately tried to improve his playing, the sound grew louder and more disturbing, the notes all jumbled and twisted as hopelessly as the man’s fingers. 

Just when he was about to yell at the man to stop, he opened his eyes. Sunlight streamed through the window and he got up from the couch. To his dismay, the sound was still present and was getting louder. He put his hands to his ears when Gilbert emerged with a portable radio in his hands, the tune blaring from the speakers.

”Morgen, Fraulein.” The Prussian greeted nastily. Roderich heaved a sigh of relief, realising that the music was not from his head. 

”Gilbert..Could you please turn that music down?”

To his surprise, the albino followed the Austrian’s order but sat down beside him with a cheeky grin spreading on his face. 

”Thought you wanted to get up bright and early…” He began.

”What time is it?!” Roderich was suddenly aware of how late it was. He had hoped to go for a morning stroll with Ludwig. 

”It’s a little past ten.” Gilbert replied, “Looks like you slept in!”

The Austrian quickly stood up from the couch and fumbled for his spectacles. Reaching for his suitcase, he hastily pulled out his clothes for the day. “I want to speak to your brother.” Roderich said firmly, ignoring the Prussian “Is he still at home?”

”He’s already gone to work.” Gilbert grinned, suddenly fully aware of Roderich’s intentions “Did you want West to teach you how to jog? Ha! Well it looks like you’re out of luck..But if you like, I can give you some training.”

”Nein danke.” Roderich said quickly in distaste. He did not want the Prussian to find another excuse to pick on his physique. He was already self-conscious enough as it was. Secretly, he doubted the man was willing to help him anyway. It was probably just a chance for him to show off his strength and endurance. 

”Aw, what a shame.” The Prussian did not sound sympathetic “Well I knew that you wouldn’t be able to jog anyway. Anything physical is always too strenuous for a girly man like you. Hope you don’t break a nail trying to get to the airport yourself!” 

Roderich pushed the albino aside “Stop being a dummkopf.” He scolded. Without any hesitation, he stormed to the bathroom to get dressed. Along with his frustration with Gilbert, he also realised with dread that he would have to catch a taxi after all. 

After sitting in lines of hectic traffic and a flight that involved more waiting in the airport than the journey itself, Roderich was grateful to finally arrive at the gates of the large and grand vicinity of his own home. It was already nightfall and so when he crept inside, it was not a surprise that none of his servants were waiting for him. He went upstairs and began to unpack in his own careless way, too tired to even bother folding his clothes. But as he climbed into his bed, the comfort of being at home was short-lived. Thoughts of his physique continued to preoccupy his mind, making it more difficult to fall asleep. One part of his mind cursed at the fact that he had chosen to flee to Vienna without waiting for Ludwig to come home to give him any advice on training. He knew that the German would have been ideal for training him, although some of his methods would be too harsh for the Austrian to cope. But the idea that Gilbert would be loitering around and making fun of his efforts reminded him of his desperation to get home. 

Don’t be ridiculous he inwardly chided to the thoughts that continued to grow in his mind I am a musician, not an athlete. I still need to focus on practising for the recital more than anything else.

You won’t be able to play if you’re unfit. The voice snapped back. As if to support his point with evidence, the image of the man at the piano flashed back into his mind. Yet this time, it was not an old man. It was himself as he was now, a young aristocrat who entered into a large amphitheatre, complete with baroque furnishings and exquisite chandeliers. An audience dressed in old-fashioned garments like the royal figures of a rococo painting applauded him generously. Blowing kisses to the crowd, he began to make his way to the piano. But as he continued to walk, the piano grew smaller and smaller, as if he were walking further away from it. A conductor stood a few meters away, dressed in a black suit with coat tails. 

”Herr Edelstein…” The conductor cautioned. He was smiling, yet his tone was serious. “You mustn’t keep the audience waiting.”

Roderich nodded and quickened his pace. But to his horror, the piano continued to become more distant, the space between the piano and himself was stretching even wider. 

”I don’t know what’s going on!” Roderich panted back to the conductor, who was also becoming smaller as well. “But the piano just keeps getting further away!” 

The conductor threw back his head to laugh, his features contorting as he did so. Roderich gasped as he watched this, suddenly realising that the man’s face was changing. It was Gilbert who was standing in his place now, flashing a sneaky smile at the Austrian. 

”What’s wrong, Frau Edelstein?” He asked “Is the walk too much for you?” Furious, Roderich turned around to face the audience for support, only to see that they were smiling and laughing at the Austrian as well. 

”Look at this loser!” Gilbert sneered, throwing his gloved hands up in the air dramatically. “He can’t even walk to a piano! I always knew that you were too weak and delicate for anything! Come on, you stingy Austrian. The piano isn’t that far at all! Keep walking!” The audience continued to laugh, some of them even pointing at Roderich who was breathing heavily, struggling to chase after the shrinking piano. 

”Stop!” Roderich cried “Stop this madness now! Just let me play!” 

The albino laughed, ignoring the Austrian’s cries. The piano continued to journey further into the distance, until it was just a small black dot. 

”Stop! Please!!” 

He jolted up from his bed in a cold sweat. Breathing heavily, he reached for his spectacles, thankful that the whole ordeal was just a dream. After getting dressed, he descended the stairs and bumped into the butler who was holding a tray of breakfast.

”Herr Edelstein…” The man was surprised “I thought that you wanted to stay in bed a little bit longer!” 

”No…” Roderich was determined to go for a walk “I have no time to waste. I must go for a stroll. Please leave the food on the table for me and I’ll come back to it later.”

The butler nodded, still puzzled by the aristocrat’s change in behaviour. “Very well sir. And would you like me to provide you with anything?”

Roderich thought about this for a while. He never really did much exercise in the past, but he recalled the times when he saw Ludwig training. There was always a neatly folded towel nearby and a bottle of water. Perhaps that was what he should have with him as well. 

”Have a fresh towel and some water ready for me, bitte.” he replied

”Is Herr Edelstein going to have a bath?” The butler inquired

”Nein!” Roderich snapped, getting impatient “I need a bottle of water and a towel. Schnell!”

Quick to obey, the butler walked briskly downstairs to prepare the necessities for his walk. Now outside, Roderich stared out into the vast landscape in the distance. The green fields beckoned him, the wind blowing softly through his hair. The sky was a rich cerulean, decorated with lazy streaks of clouds. He wanted to take a seat on the grass there and just stare at the dazzling view before him, but he knew that that was not the reason why he was outdoors. He had to exercise. 

Starting off really slowly and then picking up his pace, he jogged down through the yard and out of the gates. This doesn’t seem too bad… Roderich thought optimistically At least I’m out of the yard. He continued jogging down the pavement, eager to enter the beautiful field that was awaiting him. Gilbert had been a fool to doubt his abilities, for the run wasn’t all that much of a struggle. But it was only a few minutes later when his lungs began to give in and he felt a pain at his side. Wheezing, he stopped to sit down for a moment, clutching onto his side. His ankle was also feeling unusually sore. The exhilaration and pride that he had felt not too long ago had faded and he was already feeling weak and exhausted. 

"Oh mein Gott…" Roderich whined, taking his spectacles to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He was unable to make it to the field at such a state. The more he tried to walk, the sorer his legs became. He wanted to take off his coat, but he didn’t want any of the passers-by to notice what he was doing. There was nothing worse than to show strangers how sweaty and bedraggled he looked. Feeling defeated, he staggered back to the house. 

When he arrived back into the house, he collapsed on the couch immediately. The butler reappeared at his side, holding the bottle and water for the Austrian. “Here you go, Herr Edelstein. Do you need anything else?”

”Danke..” Roderich was still out of breath. “I think that I just need to rest here for a while. Could you please fetch me my breakfast now?”

”Ja, sofort.” The man answered promptly. A maid entered the room and helped the aristocrat out of his coat. She dabbed the sweat from Roderich’s forehead with a moist towel which cooled him down significantly. But although he was feeling better physically, he still felt worn out mentally. As he started to get up, the new pain in his ankle stopped him in his tracks.

”Ach!” He cried in pain. The maid looked on in concern.

”Do you want me to fetch you a doctor, Herr Edelstein?”

”Ja, bitte.” Roderich answered tiredly. “I think it could be serious.”

The maid nodded and left through the corridor to the direction of the phone. However, a knock at the door stopped her and she went over to answer it. A young man with slightly long blond hair stood at the entrance, his green eyes looking angry. 

”Hello? What can I do for you?” The maid had not seen this man before. He didn’t look very pleased to see her, yet he didn’t seem to be angry with her. If anything, he seemed more confused. 

”I…I just wanted to see if Roderich is here. I need to speak to him…”

The woman smiled politely and showed the man through to the lounge. The man’s eyes widened as he noticed the tired Austrian lying on the couch. 

”What the hell happened to you?!”

Roderich narrowed his eyes at the familiar man. “Vash. It’s nice to see you too..” He replied as if the man had said something different, but seeing how worried the Swiss was he answered the question “I was injured! What do you think?”

Vash frowned. His initial intention was to tell the Austrian to play his music softer as he was aware that the recital was soon. Roderich usually played the piano loudly during hours on end. The noise irritated him, although secretly he enjoyed some of the songs that Roderich had composed. But seeing him in such a state had prevented him from telling him off. He had never seen the Austrian look so exhausted before. 

”How in the world did this happen?” He muttered, eyes downcast.

”I was going for a stroll.” Roderich said quickly “That was all there was to it. There is nothing wrong with a man having some exercise.”

”I never said there was.” Vash snapped but he suddenly felt guilty. Arguing at the Austrian wouldn’t exactly make him feel any better. He walked closer to the couch, curious to see how serious the injury was. “May I?” He asked, slightly embarrassed to pull up the other’s pant leg.

”Why? Are you a doctor?” Roderich wanted to ask, but he bit back his words and nodded in approval. Perhaps the Swiss knew a little bit about fitness himself. 

Exposing the Austrian’s ankle, he tried to stretch his leg out. “Ah!” Roderich shouted, “Don’t do that!”

Realising what the source of the injury was, Vash was quick to let go of his leg. “It looks like a sprain.” He informed, “You will need to apply an ice pack on that.” The maid who was watching went to the kitchen to obtain one while the butler continued to listen to Vash’s words. “Take it easy and don’t walk around too much.” He continued. “What were you doing anyway?”

”I was just jogging.” Came the reply. Roderich was annoyed with the man’s questions, but at the same time he was relieved that the Swiss was more helpful than mocking compared to Gilbert. “…I was informed that my fitness might not be quite up to the standard that it should be. If you have any advice on training, I would be pleased to hear it.”

”Well for starters you’ll need to start slow. Did you do any stretches at all? You can’t just expect yourself to run for ages without preparing yourself properly.” Seeing the tired and reluctant expression of the Austrian only demonstrated how unwilling he was to do this again. Vash took a deep breath, trying not to lose his patience. He did feel slightly sorry for the aristocrat after all. “How about if I train you?” He asked “I’ve been giving Lili some training and I think that maybe it might help you too.” 

Roderich laughed at the suggestion. He didn’t want to race against a young girl. It would only make him feel worse. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want to make a fool of myself in front of your little sister.”

Vash frowned “You don’t have to train with her if you don’t want to. I could just train you alone.” 

The Austrian breathed a sign of relief. Vash’s words had set his mind at ease, yet he was a little confused as to why the Swiss had paid him a visit in the first place. It was rare to receive guests and whenever he spoke to Vash, it always ended in an argument. 

”Why are you here anyway?” He asked.

The Swiss turned away from the inquiring violet gaze “It was nothing.” He mumbled. “I’m going now.” 

Surprised and disappointed by the other’s reaction, Roderich stood up to stop him, causing the sharp pain to re-emerge “Ah!”

Vash shook his head, seeing Roderich’s hasty action as foolish, rather than considerate. “What did I just tell you?!” He asked indignantly “You have to take it easy! We can train once your ankle has recovered.”

Even though he was annoyed from the misunderstanding, the older nation felt better after the Swiss’ visit “Vash, just one thing.”

The blond halted and turned around hesitantly “What?”

Roderich sighed and looked to the floor “Thank you.”

A slight smile crept on the man’s lips, but his face was still looking at the exit. “Don’t mention it.” he replied. Without another word, he nodded to the maid who walked him out. Perplexed, Roderich watched the blond walk away. They had been friends at the past, but due to disputes in the past, the friendship had turned into rivalry. Since then, Vash was reluctant to speak to the Austrian, unless it was to tell him to keep his music down. But today was different. It was as if all of the complications of the past hadn’t existed. If anything, it seemed as if the Swiss was more concerned to help. But remembering the man’s similar need to save money pushed away his feelings of gratitude for Vash. 

He probably wants me to pay him… Roderich thought bitterly. The maid came back into the room to place an ice pack on the sprain. He flinched at the cold contact and lay back on the couch. 

”Herr Edelstein?” The maid looked worried. 

”Ja?”

”If you are injured, we might have to postpone the recital.”

Roderich thought for a while and then shook his head “No.” He decided, “The show must go on!” Even though his ankle was sore, he could not let the pain get into the way of the thing that he loved the most. “In fact, could you please help me to the piano…I still have to practise.” 

”Right away sir.” The woman answered meekly. With some difficulty, she helped him up and allowed him to lean on her. The butler quickly rushed to the other side of the aristocrat and supported him. Roderich felt slightly awkward in this way, yet he kept his pride and continued to limp towards the piano. 

When he was seated, he began to play a few quick scales and then started to delve into the proper concert pieces. The music flowed easily from his fingertips as he played faster, allowing his fingers to take control. His long hands travelled around the keys, up and down, even crisscrossing for the more complex notes, yet Roderich remained oblivious to their action, his eyes closed as he played almost intuitively. The music sheet was still perched on the stand, yet he rarely needed to consult it. He had been practising the piece for weeks and knew it well. After all, it was his own. He continued like this for several minutes, practicing the same piece again until it was perfect. Time did not matter whenever he was at the piano. It seemed as if he were in his own little world, enclosed from everyone else…In a world where only music was the language to speak in. And how peaceful, how tranquil this was. He savoured every moment in this world of music, his hands being the only things to allow him to connect with his surroundings. As he approached the crescendo, his hands became aggressive, and the Austrian thought about slamming his own hands into Gilbert’s smug face. Then, as the notes became softer and slower he thought about the more tender things in life; the lush green fields in the distance that he would one day venture into…The vibrant blue sky that hung over it and then the multiple colourful flowers that lay gently in organic uniform. He wanted to sit there for hours on the grass, staring into a timeless and beautiful place. 

Two eyes, almost as green as the fields stared at him in concern and sure enough Vash was standing near the garden, looking down on the Austrian who was sitting on the grass. He blinked, puzzled as to how this man had entered into his own private world and he continued to stare at the green pools, paralysed. But before he could react, the music ended and Roderich was back at the piano, his hands falling back slowly from the keys. He frowned at the thought. It somehow seemed wrong and out of place, as if he wasn’t supposed to be thinking of such things. Dismissing it quickly, he signalled the butler to assist him once again. 

To Roderich’s relief, his ankle had already recovered for he was back on his feet and walking unassisted from the theatre steps. The recital had been a success. He was so overwhelmed by the cheers and applause that all of the anxiety about his fitness from the previous week had subsided. Giddy from the excitement, he clutched onto the banister for support. A gloved hand fell on his shoulder which startled him. Yet when he turned around, it was only the conductor.

”Your piece was spectacular, Herr Edelstein.” The old man remarked, beaming from ear to ear “I must say that I am very glad that we still have musicians like you to keep the tradition of the Viennese orchestra alive.”

”Vielen Dank.” Roderich replied, feeling his ears grow red. It was a rarity that he had received compliments for his music. “It is an honour to receive a compliment like that.”

”Oh I don’t doubt it for a second.” The conductor answered, “In fact, after hearing you play I’ve been meaning to offer you a proposal.” He moved a little closer to the Austrian, still not taking his hand off his shoulder.

”Would you, by any chance be interested to play for the recital next month? Some of the Austrian officials might be visiting and I am sure that they would love to hear you play. It would be a shame if you only kept such talent in smaller circles of humble music enthusiasts like ourselves.” 

Stunned by the opportunity that this man was offering, Roderich found himself nodding enthusiastically before he could compose himself “Ja, bitte.” He replied, “That would be wonderful.”

The conductor gave a proud smile at the aristocrat “Gut Gemacht. I’ll be going to the show. And I know that I won’t be disappointed.” He then gave a wave and walked away. As Roderich stared after the man, a wave of nausea suddenly swept over him and he found himself staggering towards one of the empty seats. From behind, the man in coat tails had reminded him of the nightmare that he had last week. He turned around momentarily, but instead of seeing the friendly conductor’s face, Gilbert was giving him a sneaky smile.

"Woman…" The Prussian whispered before turning towards the exit. The old man was walking out of the theatre as if nothing had happened. 

Roderich blinked a couple of times and sighed. The performance was probably making him exhausted and seeing things. But as he made his way to the door, he remembered with some disappointment that he still had to go for his morning stroll. He had been putting it off since his injury, focusing more on the recital. Now that it was over, there were no more excuses. Vash was going to train him regardless. 

As Roderich had expected, Vash showed up at the door early the next morning. The Austrian quickly shuffled out of bed, put on his garments and then went downstairs to greet him. But as he opened the door, the blond’s face fell.

”You’re not going to wear that.” Vash said disapprovingly, noticing that the aristocrat was wearing his everyday old-fashioned suit, along with his long dark navy coat. 

”A man must look dignified at all times.” Roderich scoffed “I am not going to just wear a track suit in public.”

Rather than giving in, the Swiss grabbed the man’s wrist and pulled him inside “Don’t be ridiculous. Do you want to melt?” Ignoring the other’s protests, he whisked him upstairs quickly into his room and began searching through the Austrian’s large, oak wardrobe. 

”What are you doing?! Who gives you the right to go through my things?!” Vash continued to search through the different drawers until he found some old grey pants. Picking up an undershirt that Roderich had left on the bed from earlier on, he combined the ideal outfit for the morning. The Austrian shook his head, disgusted to wear such casual clothing outdoors, but the blond continued to hold the clothes in front of him. 

”I am not going to parade around in such a state of undress!”

”If it makes you feel better…” Vash began, his tone increasingly revealing his frustration “Nobody else is going to be out in the field at this time of the day. So you don’t have to worry about people seeing you.” 

Snatching the clothes off the Swiss, he went to the bathroom to get dressed. When he was finished, the two men walked outside and into the yard. Vash noticed how different the aristocrat had looked without his fancier clothing, but said nothing, preferring instead to help the man like he had intended to. Words might have also caused the Austrian to go back into the house. As instructed, Roderich did a few stretches, which mainly involved having to look at the Swiss for guidance. He had never done such things since childhood and he felt incredibly inflexible when he failed to touch his toes. Shortly afterward, they both walked through the gates and onto the path. 

”How long is this going to go for?” Roderich whined, his steps slow from tiredness. His eyes were already on the field that was ahead of him, but he was still unwilling to walk such a distance.

”You can’t be tired already!” Vash exclaimed, “We’ve only just started.” He followed Roderich’s gaze and then decided what to do. “We’re going up to that field…If you want to get fit, you need to walk a lot more than you do usually.” 

The morning sun was irritating the Austrian and he held a hand to shield his face, dreading the journey even though he was aware of how important it was. The rays felt hot on his face and he did not want any blemishes. At once, he was hoping that he was sitting in the shade of his carriage instead, which would take him up into the field effortlessly. 

Seeing the other’s gesture made Vash feel a little bit sorry for the aristocrat. He knew how much Roderich had preferred to stay indoors and away from the elements. Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a tube of sunscreen and handed it to the Austrian. “Here.” he offered. “Take it.”

Surprised at the action, Roderich took the sunscreen and quickly applied the oily, white substance on his face and arms. “Thanks…” He added hesitantly, giving a shy smile at the Swiss.

”It’s okay.” Vash mumbled. Once Roderich was done, he continued to walk. The Austrian looked at his trainer in wonder. Even though he was shorter than Roderich, he walked quickly. Roderich found himself having to quicken his pace in order to catch up to him, but Vash offered him no mercy and didn’t break his stride.

”Please slow down..” The aristocrat panted, “I can’t walk anymore.” But before he could complain any further he was already walking directly into the green field. Surprised as to how little time the walk had taken, Roderich stopped to take in his surroundings. 

”It’s beautiful…” He whispered breathlessly, more to himself than to Vash. Overhearing him, the Swiss turned around to face him. 

”We don’t have time to marvel at the landscape.” He said dismissively “We still need to walk a little bit more.” But he did have to agree with Roderich’s statement. “…It is nice though.” He added quietly. For a moment he almost wanted to sit on the grass and just admire the scenery, but there was still the need to help with training. “Come on,” The Swiss urged. Roderich was still distracted by the view so Vash grabbed the whistle around his neck and blew. 

PEEEP! 

Startled at the sound, the Austrian was alert once more but annoyed to be interrupted. “Alright, alright.” He muttered.

Vash pointed at a tree a few meters away “You are to run to this tree and back. Do not stop. I want you to run at least five times.” 

Baffled at the simplicity of the instructions, Roderich glanced at the blond “I’m not doing that. That’s what children do.”

But the shorter man was not willing to give up “You need to start from the basics before you can do the more strenuous stuff. That’s how you can avoid another injury.” As his green eyes met Roderich’s, he thought of another way to heighten the man’s motivation “Just think of it like playing music…. You need to learn the simple songs before playing the complex pieces. Sports aren’t that much different either.” The Austrian continued to frown, as if doubting what Vash had said, but he finally gave in.

”I suppose you’re right.” Roderich replied although playing music is nowhere near this boring… He added silently. On the blow of the whistle, he was jogging towards the tree and then back to his original spot. He felt ridiculous and wanted to stop but Vash continued shouting at him.

”You have to keep running! Come on, another lap!”

He continued jogging as the Swiss encouraged him. Then, when he couldn’t run anymore, he collapsed on the grass in front of Vash. But as he peered up, the blond did not tell him off or force him to run anymore. Instead, he gave him a nod and sat down beside him. 

”Good.” Vash replied, satisfied “You were actually able to run two more laps than what I had suggested. That’s enough training for today.”

Roderich continued to pant heavily, sweat dripping down his shirt. He was trying to catch his breath and was far too tired to respond. But Vash didn’t expect an answer. He understood. Reaching into his backpack, he drew out a bottle of water and handed it to Roderich. The aristocrat quickly sculled down the water, enjoying the cool sensation of the liquid down his dry throat. 

They didn’t speak much else after that. Some minutes passed before Roderich got up from the grass. But as he did so, he caught the Swiss’ eye. Under the shade of the trees, his eyes stood out brilliantly against his fair skin. He didn’t know how to thank him, or what else to do. As the wind blew through the fine blond strands of his hair, the moment had almost seemed surreal, almost like the vision that he had experienced while sitting at the piano. The shorter man continued looking at him, perplexed but silent. Not a bead of sweat showed on his face or on his clothes, as if the weather or jog had no effect on him. Everything was silent, save for a few birds that were twittering in the trees around them.

”I should get back.” Roderich heard himself saying, breaking the silence in turn. “I still need to prepare for my recital.”

Vash nodded, turning away as if ashamed “Okay. Well see you tomorrow.” His tone sounded sad, as if he didn’t want to say those words himself. But the familiar fierce gaze in his eyes said nothing of the sort, although Roderich could not see it. 

The Austrian nodded and with a slight wave, walked back to the house. He was pleasantly surprised with how much simpler exercise was from getting Vash’s help. But his stomach shifted as he thought of the silent moment between the two of them. It felt strange, yet he couldn’t turn away or stop himself from looking at the Swiss. No matter how hard he tried to think of an explanation for his actions or how he was feeling, he was lost. It wasn’t as if he felt uncomfortable around Vash, but the morning just didn’t seem real. For one, there was little argument or disagreement and he thought of how helpful the man was towards him. It was almost reminiscent to their friendship back in childhood, but there was something else deeper and more obscure, although he didn’t really want to dwell on it for too long. As he went indoors to take a shower, his mind was still replaying the moments of the morning. If exercise was always this relaxing and simple, perhaps it was worth it after all.

After he dried off his hair, he took one glance in the mirror and felt ashamed at the sight. Without his spectacles, he looked plainer, as if a pauper rather than an aristocrat. He inspected his long, pale body which was more slender than he had preferred. Trying to flex his biceps revealed only a slight bump of muscle, but when he pressed on it he realised that it was just bone. Annoyed at the little progress that the exercise had done to his own physique, he quickly put on his clothes. He knew that there would have to be more mornings of exercise before he could completely build up on his muscle. As he went downstairs and sat at the piano, his mind was still swimming from all the things that he had witnessed today. Reaching out to touch the keys, he tried to force himself to play his music, yet as he watched his fingers fall there was something wrong about them. 

They were twisted, almost like tree roots. He struggled to play a few simple notes, yet they tumbled clumsily with little grace like a toddler who was walking for the first time. Anxious, he tried to play a scale, yet the index finger of his right hand bent horrifically, getting into the way of his other fingers which resulted in an unpleasant clash of sharps and flats. 

”No…This can’t be happening!” Roderich gasped in disbelief. His hands flew at the other keys, trying to smooth out the tune, only it resulted in more discord. Suddenly, a gloved hand fell on Roderich’s shoulder and he looked up to see Gilbert in a conductor’s outfit smiling menacingly at him. 

”We can’t have that!” He chuckled as he leaned closer to the Austrian. “I always knew that you were too weak and delicate for anything and you’ve just proved me right time and time again.” The albino slapped the conductor’s baton on Roderich’s hands, causing him to cry in pain. “You’re not even good at music as you once were. Why bother now? If you had exercised more, you would never be in this situation.”

”Lass mich los!” Roderich shouted, his voice trembling and small. But the Prussian only saw this as an opportunity to pester him more. “You can’t keep your audience waiting, Herr Edelstein. Look, they’re already walking out of the room!”

The Austrian spun around and realised that he was in the theatre again. But despite how exquisitely decorated and large the place was, the audience was shaking their heads in disapproval and leaving. 

”Wait!” He cried, “I haven’t even played yet!” But Gilbert grabbed both of his shoulders and pulled him closer to his face. The Austrian could see his terrified facial features in the scarlet glare of the Prussian and realised how desperate and scrawny he had looked. Was he always like this? It was difficult to say. Nothing seemed to make sense to him anymore. 

”Don’t bother.” Gilbert snapped uncharacteristically “You’re just going to make a fool of yourself even more. Look at you! Just look at how reduced you have become! You can’t be a musician like this!” Furious, Roderich stood up to his full height, yet his legs felt weak and shaky and he fell to the floor. 

The Prussian conductor merely laughed at Roderich’s attempt, the sound as loud and as disturbing as the notes that he was playing not too long ago. With one brutal kick, Gilbert sent the Austrian’s glasses skittering on the floor and left him writhing in pain as he tried to reach for his glasses. Standing over him, he smirked and lifted up the aristocrat’s shirt. Almost all of his ribs stuck out from under his pale skin, which appeared more wrinkly and aged than usual. Horrified by the sight, he desperately pulled down his shirt but the Prussian held him in place. 

”You’re weak.” He whispered and with that, he pushed him to the floor. 

Roderich woke up with a start, panting frantically. To his surprise, he was still at the piano. Looking at his fingers quickly, he realised that there was nothing wrong with them. But although the situation before was just a dream, he still felt too unnerved to play the piano. Now distracted, he got up from the piano and stood in front of the window, staring off into the distant fields. The sight seemed to relax him more and his breathing was steadier. Sunlight filtered through the evenly grouped trees, casting unusual abstract patches of shadow. Somehow, the outdoors seemed more inviting than the piano and he wanted to venture back out there once more. He was looking very forward to the next morning. It was too difficult to concentrate anymore. Quickly losing his motivation, he sat down and read a book instead. 

The next day he met with Vash before they went back to the fields, but this time the exercises were different. 

”We’re going to lift weights.” The Swiss said, taking out two small dumbbells from his backpack. “These aren’t too heavy, so you can build up on your strength gradually.”

Roderich stared at the weights in dismay. They were much too small compared to anything that he had seen Ludwig lift. It would probably take months to build up muscle from such equipment…But did he really have that much time? A frightening thought entered his head as he held the dumbbells. How much longer would he have to wait until he could feel worthy again? He could imagine the Prussian standing beside him, laughing loudly at his efforts. 

But it was Vash who stood beside him, waiting for the Austrian’s response. “You can start whenever you want, Roderich.” He said, his tone unusually patient.

At Vash’s words, Roderich began lifting the weights. Although they were quite light, he realised that he did have to use some of his own strength to continue. The motion was repetitive and it bored him immensely, yet he persisted, wary that he did not want Vash or Gilbert judging him. The blond watched in surprise. From all the years he had known him, he had never seen the aristocrat so keen to exercise, with exception to yesterday. It was strange to watch, as if seeing a broken machine operating perfectly without any assistance, but nevertheless he kept his mouth shut. His lifting started quite unsteady but it eventually improved as he continued. Suddenly, the dumbbell had fallen on the grass and the Austrian was crying in pain and holding onto his shoulder. 

”Ah!”

The Swiss rushed to his aid, annoyed that he had let him work too hard. “You idiot!” He shouted “You can’t expect to get muscles over night. I told you to take it slow!” Despite the angry scoldings, he was worried. Before Roderich could say anything in defence, the other was inspecting his shoulder. Vash’s fingertips felt pleasantly cool against the heat of his own body from working out so much and he relaxed at the touch. 

”It’s okay…” Roderich smiled, trying to mask his embarrassment. He was thankful that Vash could not see how flushed he was in the shade. 

”No it’s not!” The Swiss was angry, as if a parent telling off a child “You’ve hurt yourself again!” He had to inspect the shoulder properly but the Austrian’s tee shirt was in the way. There was a chance that he could have sprained or torn a muscle, or worse. “Take off your shirt.” He ordered hastily. Roderich shook his head, too self-conscious for Vash to see his body “Herr Gott nochmal, Roderich! Hurry up!”

Shaky, the Austrian slowly obeyed. The first thing Vash noticed was how white his skin was, which gave certain radiance underneath the shade. Placing his hands on the shoulder, he gently massaged the source of the pain. Although this was making Roderich feel better, this also stirred a vague, unconscious feeling within him, just like the sensation that he was experiencing yesterday morning. Drawing back as soon as he could, he gave an apologetic smile.

”I feel better now. Roderich responded “Danke.”

For a moment, Vash fixed his gaze on the violet eyes. An air of uncertainty hung around them until he stared back to the ground, awkward that such a thing was happening between them. “…You’re welcome.” 

Roderich grabbed the shirt from the ground and quickly shrugged it back on. Suddenly shy from a few minutes ago, the Swiss was hesitant to speak.

”…Do you have to prepare for your recital?” He asked

”Yes…” Roderich lied “I’ve been neglecting my practise.” He paused to pick up the dumbbells “Could I take these with me?”

Vash frowned “That’s really not a good idea.” He advised “You need to take it easy. No more exercise for today.”

Crestfallen, the Austrian began to walk away “Fine…” Suddenly angry with Vash for preventing him from improving his fitness, he didn’t want to look him in the eye or to give him another word. Before he could justify his thoughts, his feet were carrying him away back home. The blond was baffled by Roderich’s actions, but no matter how much he tried to call his name, the other did not even turn around. 

”Stupid!” the Swiss scolded at himself. All he wanted to do was to help Roderich but instead he just made things less comfortable between them. Putting a hand to his face, he sat on the grass, raking his mind to try and figure out why the Austrian had walked away with so much haste. But as he thought of this, he was also struggling to comprehend Roderich’s unusual behaviour. When he didn’t allow him to have the dumbbells, the aristocrat didn’t even argue back like he would do normally. Rather, he remained quiet as if the fact didn’t bother him so much…But what was he really thinking? There were way too many things which didn’t add up. All he could do was sit and hope that there was a reasonable explanation for everything. 

Rather than heading home, Roderich ordered a carriage to take him to the streets where he spotted a sports store to buy a pair of dumbbells, since Vash had refused to lend him his own. The unfamiliar, brightly lit building with sports equipment came as a shock to anything that he was used to. He shuffled awkwardly through the aisles, too nervous to ask for anyone else for assistance. He had never been to a sports store before and the sight had only increased his nervousness. Large coloured posters were plastered around the place, depicting tanned women and men in tank tops, both well proportioned and muscular. Disturbed and distracted by the sight, he did not realise that he was walking into one of the shop assistants. 

”Can I help you with anything?” 

The aristocrat jumped and tried to walk away, only another assistant was behind him. “I…I’m looking for weights.” He whispered feebly, turning red. 

The assistant, a tall and muscular man like in the posters gave a smile as if the Austrian was telling him a joke “Is that so?” Raising his bleached eyebrows in disbelief, he gestured to the shelf where the dumbbells were sitting. Scanning at him from head to toe, the assistant picked up one of the lightest weights, which was in a hideous shade of pink. “I think this may be suitable for your stature sir.” He said with a cheeky grin. He was clearly enjoying the discomforted expression of Roderich. 

”Uh no..” Roderich blushed again; disgusted for the man’s mockery “I would like something heavier.” The man bit his tongue to stop himself from chuckling and fetched him heavier weights “This is probably what you are after.”

Giving a cold, quick nod the Austrian snatched the weights from him. As the man’s back was turned, he quickly fetched the heavier ones and placed them on the counter. It was a struggle to even carry them from a short distance, but he knew that with more training he would be able to lift these effortlessly. The equally muscular woman at the counter gave him a strange look as she placed the weights into a bag for him without another word. 

After Roderich arrived home, he sat on the bedroom floor, doing the stretches that Vash had advised him to do. He then ran on the spot for a while until he was worn out. Gasping for breath, he fumbled for the weights in the bag and drew them out slowly. 

”Eins… Zwei…Drei..” He grunted with every painful lift. With such a motion, he felt like his arms were going to fall off. Gritting his teeth, he brushed a hair away from his glasses and tried again. Minutes turned into hours and then at nightfall Roderich was soaked with sweat. Every part of him was screaming in pain as he fell to the floor. As much as he didn’t like the pain, he knew that it had to count for something. Surely by a few more days muscles will begin to develop? He thought hopefully. After all this training, Gilbert, Ludwig and the people in the store would be eating their own words. He was going to get stronger, whether they liked it or not…Stronger than all of them. With fierce determination, he picked up the weights and continued the excruciating exercise. 

As days went by, Vash grew more anxious. Roderich stopped responding to the door whenever the Swiss knocked. One morning after a week had passed, the maid who answered gave the usual response and was about to close the door on him when he stuck his foot in front of him, blocking the door in the process.

”I think you should really leave.” The maid replied quickly, getting desperate “Herr Edelstein has been very busy. He does not want any visitors.”

”I’m not leaving until I see him!” Vash shouted back “He was so keen to exercise every morning! Why would he just stop now?” 

”As I said before..” The maid insisted, growing fearful for the Swiss’ anger “He is busy. If you do not leave this instant, I will ring the police.” 

Frustrated but dismayed that he couldn’t do anything else, he obeyed and walked away. Nothing made sense to him. Roderich wanted to exercise, even though it was not really his preferred way to spend time. If he weren’t so keen to continue the training with Vash, he would have given him a phone call or told him straight away. There had to be something more to the Austrian’s behaviour, yet Vash had no idea what it could be. Figuring out the true intention of Roderich’s motives was like solving a jigsaw puzzle where there were too many missing pieces to fully see the whole image. He turned around to give one glance at the house, hoping that there would be a clue. In one of the windows he could see the piano, which sat unattended at the end of the room. 

In his heart, he knew that something was wrong. If the Austrian were really busy, as the maid had claimed, he would be sitting at the piano. After all, there was nothing else that the aristocrat would have preferred to spend his time for, especially since the recital was fast approaching. Cautiously, he drew closer, now that the maid was inside, to take a proper look. 

On closer inspection, his next observation was even more depressing. The piano appeared to have not been touched for days. Dust gathered on the lid, creating a musty, grey veil. It must have been longer than a week that Roderich had practised. Vash’s gaze turned from the piano and began to trail around the rest of the room. Just like the piano, the room had the same lifeless, desolate atmosphere. Vash could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand as he took in the surroundings. An urge to run inside and find Roderich, just to see if he was okay began to press on the Swiss, yet he was powerless. Sadly, he turned away. 

Meanwhile in his room, Roderich was on the floor, sweating furiously as he continued to lift the weights. The task was not an easy one, yet the Swiss was only going to scold him if he were to ask for his assistance. He decided that if Vash was not going to allow him to get fit as soon as possible, then he was going to have to train himself.

He was so concentrated in his task that he didn’t even see the maid as she walked into the room.

”Herr Edelstein…Herr Zwingly stopped by again this morning,” she informed, her head bowed. 

Dropping the weights he was holding, he turned to the woman. “Did you tell him that I was unavailable?!” As his voice rose, the maid became too frightened to look at him directly. 

”Ja. But he really wanted to see you…He’s worried about you…We all are. Tell us what is wrong and we’ll help you.”

Violet eyes blazing, the Austrian stood up abruptly and turned to face the maid. “You are my SERVANT. I have paid you all good money to take care of the house, NOT to badger me and get involved in my own affairs. What I do is my business. If you don’t like it, you can resign!” 

”Please sir…” The maid’s eyes were welling up in tears. She placed a hand on his arm, which was sweaty from all the work out. This was not the Roderich that she was used to working for. “At least let Vash in. You need a friend with you for this.”

”Vash is not my friend and I will do as I please!” He growled stubbornly, pulling away from her grasp. Catching a glimpse into the mirror nearby only made his blood boil more. “No matter how hard I try…I am still not fit. I’ve been working out for over a week now and there is still no improvement!” The maid rushed by his side to put a hand to his shoulder for comfort. 

”You don’t have to work out if it’s making you so distressed. Take a break and go and do something that you enjoy. The piano hasn’t been played in a while…”

At her words, rage began to consume his being and before he could stop himself, he threw a slap on the woman’s face. “GET OUT!” he screamed “And don’t you ever come back!” Picking up one of the weights, he was about to throw it at her as well, but she quickly ran outside just in time. 

But what good would it have done anyway? It wasn’t the maid’s fault for his lack of progress…It was his own. Glaring at his reflection, he threw the weight at the mirror with force. Shards of glass flew in the air, some of the pieces scraping against his skin. The cracks in the glass disfigured his reflection while his self-esteem was now just as shattered as the mirror that sat before him. Overwhelmed by the pain and the regret that was in his heart, the aristocrat fell to his knees and wept. 

That night, Roderich slept fitfully. Peaceful images of green fields no longer had a place in his dreams, only the old man with twisted fingers and the laughing of his Prussian enemy, posing as a conductor. He was sitting at a piano, just like his other dreams and was about to play a note when the entire piano broke into a thousand shards. The pieces of black and white formed into several tiny daggers, all eager to plunge into the Austrian’s skin. Screaming, he tried to pull away but to his terror, his legs had turned into shards as well. He was disintegrating, becoming even less of a man than he thought he was. 

But as a figure approached him, the room began to lighten up. Although he could not see the face properly, a hand reached down to take his own, which was also breaking away. 

”Es tut mir leid…” He whispered weakly at the hand “But I’m breaking away…I don’t think that you can save me.”

Rather than letting go, the hand kept holding on. The figure’s other hand then reached to touch Roderich’s face, which was the only thing that was still intact. 

”Yes.” A voice agreed, “I can’t save you. You’re the only person who can save yourself. Only you can get the support that you need.” 

”Wait…” Roderich panted, but the hand released him and he felt himself falling from a great height. The whole world spun and he could feel himself getting dizzy. As he continued to fall, a green blur appeared and he shut his eyes, grateful to at least land on the field that made him truly free. A field as green as the eyes of the man, who had been so helpful and kind to him. He pictured the blond, just as he stood in the field, his hair billowing softly in the wind, as he reached out a hand towards him. 

”Vash…” He whispered as the green sped closer beneath him and then everything turned black. 

The Austrian opened his eyes, realising that it was still dark outside. Getting up from the bed, he walked slowly to the bathroom. Splashing water on his face, he stared at his reflection. From breaking the mirror yesterday, there were a few small cuts on his skin. Touching these cuts, he closed his eyes sadly, realising that he had only done more harm to himself than good. 

Moonlight poured through the bedroom window when Roderich got back. Unable to go back to sleep, he sat beside the window under the light, thinking carefully about the voice within his dream. 

You’re the only person who can save yourself. 

As he remembered the violent outburst from the previous day and the disturbing visions, he realised that perhaps he was not the person that he could rely the most on. From following his own inhibitions and anxieties, he had placed himself into a struggle. Suddenly everything began to make sense. If he could turn to Vash once more to get the support that he needed, perhaps life could go back to how it used to be, carefree and tranquil without any of the worries that he had been suffering recently. Yet as the visions of his frailty had remerged into his mind, he realised how truly lost he was. A question still remained unanswered. 

How could he become a better person than he already was? 

Despite being told off by the maid previously, Vash still had to check on Roderich. He couldn’t allow the aristocrat to just hide away in the mansion and ignore the world around him. There was something dreadfully wrong, and he needed to find it out before things worsened. Walking to the door, he hesitantly gave a knock. 

The maid reappeared; only she seemed more accommodating than she was the other day. Her willingness to let the blond inside was rather out of the ordinary. Perhaps she had understood just how serious the whole situation had become. 

”Guten Morgen Herr Zwingly. Roderich is upstairs. Please, do come in. He needs a friend more than anything.”

”What is going on with him?” Vash was quick to ask. Confusion and relief for the maid’s response was replaced by concern.

”Just go to him…” The woman pleaded, taking him up the stairs and to his room. Then, she quickly scurried back downstairs. 

A musty, dark room had awaited the Swiss. It was almost as lifeless as the other room, for the curtains were closed. Along with the usual mess and disarray there was also a broken mirror, which revealed the Austrian’s violent action from yesterday. 

”Roderich!” Vash called, trying to mask the fear in his voice as he continued to look around. 

Sure enough, Roderich was sitting on the bed only he was still wearing his work out clothing. It was as if he had not changed out of his clothes. Although he had normally conveyed the impression of a tall, astute aristocrat, in that moment he seemed small and unsure, almost vulnerable. It was a sorry sight, which only made the Swiss feel more sorry for him. As if to bring him out of his misery, the blond sat on the bed beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He hoped that even a small action like this would cause Roderich to open up and say what was truly eating him. 

”I’m weak…” He began, embarrassed to be saying these words “I can’t even gain my strength like everyone else. It’s destroying me, Vash. I haven’t been able to think about anything else. What is the point of playing music if I’m not going to become fit? I’m going to waste away and lose my ability to play.”

”Who gave you that idea?” Vash asked in surprise. Everything coming out of Roderich’s mouth sounded exaggerated and he had to muster every ounce of self-control to prevent him from yelling out “Nonsense!” 

Roderich sighed. As much as he was dreading to share his thoughts, he knew that this was very important. He closed his eyes as he remembered the visions that were haunting him from his return from Germany. “I was informed…By Ludwig that I wasn’t in the best shape. And Gilbert…That stupid Prussian…” It was a struggle to express all his thoughts to the Swiss. He wouldn’t understand. Getting straight to the point, he raised his voice “I just don’t want to be so crippled with disease that I can no longer play piano! It is my life, Vash. But I can’t play it until I become stronger.”

”Stop it!” Vash snapped “Stop it right now! You’re being ridiculous. How in the world could you become a better musician by being fitter?!”

”Well if I’m being so ridiculous…” Roderich began, his tone getting angrier “Then get out!” He tried to push Vash away from him, yet he was too worn out. Vash seized the Austrian by the shoulders and stared at him directly into the eyes. 

”No.” He answered firmly “I won’t. Because I don’t expect you to get stronger, Roderich. I won’t let you stay in this dark room, away from the things that you love in life just because of your insecurities. I want you to play piano again, just like you used to. I don’t give a damn about how loud you played, because I know that you enjoyed it…And I enjoyed it too. Being fitter won’t guarantee you from being a better musician. Exercise has nothing to do with it.” Roderich blinked as the Swiss leaned closer, his heart racing as he did so. He took a deep breath, trying to force the words out that he had been hiding for so long, words that might save the Austrian after all “I like your music…And I like you just the way you are. You don’t have to change yourself into someone you’re not. I won’t let you.” Gripping his shoulders tightly, he felt his stomach flutter. Roderich felt the fine blond strands against his face and he was suddenly thankful for the man before him. Simultaneously, their lips met and they kissed tenderly, their insecurities now obstacles of the distant past. Roderich smiled, realising that there was nobody else who had made him as happy and as relaxed as the Swiss at that very moment. Vash turned away shyly, a small smile appearing on his lips, but the Austrian pulled him back towards him. 

”Ich liebe dich..” Roderich whispered, tracing his fingertips on the other’s face lovingly “I always have. I was just too proud to admit my feelings for you.” Everything became clear as he realised how much Vash had cared for him. He had wanted what was best for the Austrian and had never picked on his efforts or his physique. But most importantly, he had respected him for the person that he was, more than anyone else had. 

”Then show me…” The Swiss murmured “Show me how much you really love me without destroying yourself. I want you to be the man that you were before.” Now determined to prove himself, he led the blond to the other room where the dusty piano sat. He lifted the lid and with some nervousness, placed his fingers on the keys. 

”Go on.” Vash encouraged, sitting beside him on the piano seat “Don’t hold back.” 

The Austrian closed his eyes; comforted to have such support and allowed his fingers to speak for himself. As a result of neglecting his practise, the first few notes were clumsy but as he felt Vash’s presence he persisted, smoothing out unsure, discordant tunes into those of grace. The man beside him closed his eyes at the music as a pleasant feeling of ease washed over every inch of his being. He was no longer in sitting at the piano, for he was in the lush, green field next to the one that he loved…In Roderich’s world of music. As music continued to play, he reached out a hand to the sitting Austrian on the grass and pulled him up into an embrace. 

After the music had ended, Vash had taken the Austrian to the field. As they walked, Roderich placed a hand over the Swiss’ and walked closer beside him. After arriving to their destination, Vash decided not to train the Austrian, as the peaceful afternoon was dedicated for just the two of them. They sat together on the grass in silence, admiring the view, the company of one another being more satisfying than a conversation. All of the frightful visions and names that Gilbert had called him no longer had any place in his mind; Vash and his music were the only things that really mattered to him now. With newfound motivation, he was going to return back to practise his song and deliver the best recital that would please all. But the one person that deserved his best performance was the Swiss who had pulled him out of his time of darkness. In the last few days before the recital, Roderich practised and practised the song, perfecting it every time. This was his training now.

Vash had not only made him feel more at ease of himself, but had also helped him walk away from the path of discordance…And that completed the applause of the audience as the song had finished as the recital drew to a close. Roderich stood from his seat to face the cheering crowd, bowing deeply. The aristocrat cast his gaze at Vash who was sitting at the very front, his green eyes shining with joy. The Swiss’ heart was thumping with a mix of love and happiness, for the man that he had fallen for had come back…

**Author's Note:**

> Translation key:
> 
> Guten morgen: Good morning
> 
> Meine Herren: Usually a formal way of addressing a male audience, equivalent to gentlemen.
> 
> Weiner-Musiker: Translated roughly as Viennese-music, this is just a fictional music company where Roderich and other musicians in Vienna are represented by.
> 
> Herr: Mr
> 
> Gott verdammt: God damn it
> 
> Entschuldigung: Usually meaning excuse me, although it can be an equivalent of sorry.
> 
> Ja: Yes
> 
> Bruder: Brother
> 
> Frau Klavier: Mrs Piano. This is a nickname that Prussia had devised to mock Austria’s love for playing the piano.
> 
> Gute nacht: Goodnight
> 
> Fraulein: Usually a formal way to address a young woman, although this way of address is less common in recent years.
> 
> Nein danke: No thank you
> 
> Dummkopf: A derogatory term usually meaning a silly person
> 
> Bitte: Please
> 
> Schnell: Hurry up/quickly
> 
> Oh mein Gott: Oh my god
> 
> Sofort: Right away
> 
> Vielen Dank: Thank you very much
> 
> Gut Gemacht: Good job/well done
> 
> Lass mich los: Let me go
> 
> Herr Gott nochmal: A colloquial expression for showing irritation.
> 
> Eins… Zwei…Drei: One, two, three. In this scene, Roderich is counting the number of lifts.
> 
> Es tut mir leid: I’m very sorry/ sorry from the bottom of my heart
> 
> Ich liebe dich: I love you


End file.
